healing: the “good” within the “bad” ࿊

let us first paint a picture of healing as an all-inclusive trip through all of your experiences. the pamphlet promises you the results of peace, happiness, relaxation, luxury, and some guilt-free fun. you glorify it, romanticize it, and give thanks for it but once you embark upon your journey you cannot account for the possibility of delays and detours. despite this, you will try to make the best of it because it is paid for and you deserve to getaway, right? storms may rush in, flights may get cancelled, and accommodations may be downgraded but somehow you know you will leave with stories to share and memories to cherish. this is healing!

the generalization that the healing process solely involves “getting over” trauma and sailing away into a better future is not only vague but inaccurate. you may try to erase all or part of your memories, sometimes just because your brain is attempting to protect you. when you remember: it is not only okay to acknowledge the “good” in your past, it is fully necessary! if you allow it to, the “bad” will win every time. it will rip you away from your faith and demolish your sense of self-worth. it will ask you, ‘well why didn’t you just leave’? and tell you, ‘you deserved it.’ the “bad” will humiliate you into repetition and mock you for any attempt to change. you deserve change! you deserve the “good.” why the quotations? because all is perception, and we are all here not only learning but being. some are meant to play the part of the villain! morality begins to fade when the brightness of intention brightens. what will you do with all you have been through?

if you are someone who has endured an abusive relationship or predicament, it is likely that you were manipulated out of leaving with the ole ‘but what about the good times? we had good times, right?’ whether it was the other party or yourself doing the manipulating, flipping the switch from victim to victor often looks like radical acceptance with a dash of appreciation. this is not at all to excuse, but to edify!!! there is potential for your exaltation into an entirely new existence. don’t you see? love, you are not what they did to you! you are not crazy for clinging to the laughs, smiles, and turmoil disguised as comfort. do not rob yourself of the very thing that kept you going, the very thing that may have kept you alive!!! there is always a need for self-forgiveness and grace. it is due time you gifted it to yourself.

do not allow the pain to completely rob you of the person you were: the person who was trying their best, the person who loved even when they were beaten and discarded, the person who wished for another them to come along and help them through… the person who searched for joy even in desolation. do you see the strength of that person? can you envision the power of the person you have mistakingly painted in weakness? that powerhouse of a person is you, and there is no shame in it! read that again. THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT.

for the sake of your continued peace, you may need to acknowledge that there were, in fact, “good times.” it’s okay. breathe… because with that acknowledgement comes the realization and acceptance that those times were not enough. you deserve more! allow the “good” to clue you in on what this version of yourself requires. is it respect? is it loyalty? is it a partner who doesn’t yell, or family that doesn’t shame and embarrass you? you can have it. you are worthy of having it.

and for those that need a loving, assertive, affirmation after leaving an abusive situation, here it is.

peace be!

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